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Covert Press Releases!
The following press releases have been published in various media around the world. In addition to reading them, you are encouraged to copy and send these press releases to any media you deem appropriate (e.g., major news services, your local church newsletter, the Secret Service's web site, etc.). Prizes for best results!
* Press release published circa 8/11/01. Doubtful that it caused the World Trade Center and Pentagon attacks (one or the other maybe, but probably not both).
Pepsi: the cola beverage of God
For Immediate Release Contact: John Alejandro King Pepsi Purchases Naming Rights To Haj Annual Muslim Pilgrimage To Be Called 'The Haj, Presented By PepsiŽ'
Washington DC, August 11, 2001 - Soft drink giant Pepsi has purchased the naming rights to the annual Muslim pilgrimage known as the Haj. Starting in 2012 (1432 in the Muslim calendar), the yearly mass pilgrimage to the holy city of Mecca, considered the sacred duty of Muslims worldwide, will be known as 'The Haj, Presented by PepsiŽ.' As part of contractual agreements worked out with leading Muslim clerics, Pepsi will sponsor pilgrimages for up to 1000 economically disadvantaged Muslims each year, and will provide free bottles of Pepsi to Haj participants. Additional terms of the agreement were not disclosed. In exchange Pepsi will receive naming rights to the Haj, and the Pepsi icon will be displayed "solemnly and with due respect" on the outer walls of minarets of prominent mosques, including the Grand Mosque at Mecca. "We know that some Muslims may wonder whether such corporate sponsorship is inappropriate or even blasphemous. But when you add the whole thing up, it's really an excellent agreement for Islam and the Haj," declared Sheik Ali bin Said al-Ghadi, a Saudi cleric known for his rigidly conservative views. Because Islam prohibits the depiction of human likenesses, images of supermodels or other celebrities drinking Pepsi will not be permitted to adorn Islamic structures. "And it's not like we're allowing Pepsi to advertise inside mosques, or on the fabled Black Stone of the Ka'bah, or anything like that," noted the Sheik. In what is considered a landmark concession, clerics have granted special dispensation for free 16.9 oz bottles of Pepsi (0.5 liters in the Islamic system) to be provided to Haj participants during Ramadan, the Islamic month of fasting in which Muslims traditionally refrain from consuming food or drink during daylight hours. "The cool, refreshing nature of this beverage, combined with its demonstrated ability to reenergize body and mind, can aid Haj participants in refocusing themselves during the more grueling moments of this holiest of pilgrimages, thereby heightening the intensity of devotion and making for a more consecrated Haj experience," observed Shia Imam Seyed Mohammed Hakimi. Added the Imam "And after all, scientifically speaking, it isn't as if Pepsi is really a 'food' or 'drink' anyway, so all should be fine, Allah willing." "We're honored and excited to be entering into this historic partnership between Pepsi and the Umma [worldwide Muslim community]," said Brad Fleischer Al-Haj, Senior Vice President of International Marketing for Pepsi's Middle East Region, and a recent convert to Islam. "In a time of growing international awareness of the need for greater dialogue between the Western and Islamic worlds, Pepsi's earnest sponsorship of this important annual event can serve as a springboard for better mutual understanding and cultural exchange." "Praise be to Allah, the Compassionate and Merciful," Fleischer Al-Haj said in conclusion. The information in this press release was provided to CIA officer John Alejandro King (a.k.a. The Covert Comic, www.covertcomic.com), by well-placed sources reportedly unconnected to the Coca-Cola company. The Covert Comic is disseminating this information purely as a public service, and has not received compensation from Coca-Cola, Pepsi Cola, RC Cola, or any other member organization of the Cola Information Agency. For more information contact John Alejandro King at covertcomic@yahoo.com, or www.covertcomic.com.
I told you, I told you, I told you ###
* (The following press release has officially been endorsed by the Council of the True and Correct Taliban, McLean, Virginia.)
For Immediate Release Contact: John Alejandro King Message To The Mujahideen: It's OK Now, America And Israel Have Been Destroyed
America and its Zionist puppet being destroyed this week. (Praise be to Allah.)
In the name of Allah, the Compassionate and Merciful. Thanks to the most divine and perfect guidance of Allah, as well as the legions of faithful who have dutifully carried out Jihad around the world, the USA and its Zionist allies have been completely and utterly wiped out. Praise be to Allah. The hated US and Zionist militaries, along with their lying, warmongering governments and countless infidels within their ranks, have all been totally obliterated. Their monies, lands and goats are even now being redistributed among the devout. Praise be to Allah. Accordingly, it is now no longer necessary to wage holy war against the United States of America and its Zionist puppet regime, as they no longer exist. If you are currently taking part in or in any way supporting Jihad against the twin satans, you should immediately cease all such activity, return to your home, and await further instructions. Praise be to Allah. In the meantime, be vigilant! Examine your household and those of your fellow Mujahideen closely. Is there something in your fellow Mujahid's behavior that could potentially give rise to transgression? Better go to his home and check. And while you're at it, why not take along your AK-47, you know, in order to prevent any trouble. Praise be to Allah. For more information contact John Alejandro King at covertcomic@yahoo.com. Praise be to Allah. ###
* For Immediate Release Contact: John Alejandro King Hey, Am I The Only One Who Notices That The World Trade Center Has Inexplicably Re-Materialized?!
Photo taken by my wife last week, near the miraculously restored World Trade Center. (I'm the person in the shadows, with sunglasses and no mouth.)
Washington DC, September 11, 20,001 - I know. I think it's utterly weird too. But when I drove the wife and kids up to Manhattan last weekend for a family excursion, there it was, the good old WTC, proudly glistening against the fabled New York skyline, looking for all the world as if nothing had ever happened! Not believing our eyes at first, we decided to take a ferry ride, you know, to try to get a look from a different angle. ... We got a different angle, alright. (Note: in the interest of maintaining the family-friendly standards that are a basic policy of this web site, I have obscured selected portions of the photo below. Any children or easily offended persons reading this report may wish to look away from the screen when scrolling down the page, in order not to view the following image. You're welcome, America.).
Why this woman did this, I have no idea. Sorry about that, America.
The other thing that struck me as kind of odd about this situation was that nobody in New York seemed very impressed that the World Trade Center wasn't gone anymore. In fact, several Big Apple denizens whom I surveyed on the sidewalk responded to my questions about the 9/11 jetliner attacks and the destruction of the Twin Towers by nervously offering me spare change and quickly scurrying away. (One man replied, when I inquired why the World Trade Center was still there, by asking what part of New Jersey I had just hitchhiked in from ... that one I'm still trying to figure out.) I think you'll agree, however, that the above definitive photographic evidence pretty much compels one to the frankly stunning conclusion that the World Trade Center has somehow re-materialized. As for your humble intelligence officer, I myself don't buy for a minute the explanation that will no doubt be advanced by some of my more conspiracy-minded public, you know, that this whole thing is merely another instance of covert CIA-engineered time travel. I mean, I personally have been involved in that research, and while details remain classified, I can assure any concerned readers that neither I nor my colleagues at Langley could possibly have resolved fundamental problems in applied quantum entanglement that currently make any suggestion of time travel utterly laughable. After all, we're the ones doing the research, so if we were to go back in time, we of all people would know it, wouldn't we? The Covert Comic is the alias of CIA officer John Alejandro King. For more information contact John Alejandro King at covertcomic@yahoo.com. ###
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