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The Covert Comic Weekly Intelligence Briefing
(Note: Cleared readers only, please.) I approve of what you say, but I will defend to
the death your obligation to say it only in an authorized secure
government facility per Executive Order 13526 and relevant sections of
32 C.F.R. § 2001.13 as modified therein.
●
Subject was recruited as an access agent, but self-identifies as a
penetration agent in an access agent’s body. – Ops report ● Saw a headline: ‘Explosion Rocks Nursing
Home.’ Not to be critical, but if they’re playing
assisted living facilities, how good a band could Explosion be??? ● It isn’t that there’s no such thing as human
combustion in New England – it’s just that it tends not to be all that
spontaneous. ● To avoid finding out, f**k elliptically.
Executive Intelligence Summary
– From PostTopSecret
If you knew how rarely the CIA engages in
covert action, as long as you kept quiet that number might not have to
change.
●
It’s been said
that espionage involves peeking at the other fellow’s hand, marking the
cards, cooking the books,
poisoning the well, breaking the rules, hitting below the belt,
cheating, lying, deceiving, defaming, snooping, eavesdropping, prying,
stealing, bribing, suborning, burglarizing, forging, misleading,
conducting dirty tricks, dirty pool, skullduggery, blackmail, seduction,
everything not sporting, not kosher, not cricket. But while this claim
is not without truth, it’s
important to keep in mind that espionage also has its downsides.
●
In order to send a more uplifting message, maybe instead of smashing
their guitars at the end of a concert, rock stars could reconstruct
guitars from discarded parts and play a song on them.
● Whenever I see
a painting of a nude woman, I imagine how angry she must have been when
she found out.
● If you reply
‘This is why we can’t be friends’ to a ‘This is why we can’t be friends’
post, this is why we can be friends.
Executive
Intelligence Summary Live, laugh, love, lie (about who you lived,
laughed and loved with).
A NOC has cover meetings, and real meetings.
Everyone else has cover meetings.
●
Fewer than one in
ten intelligence reports contain actionable information. And even then,
the subject of the reporting usually isn’t nearly as actionable as they
looked in the photo.
●
In quantum
physics, ‘Shrödinger’s cat’ simultaneously does and does not contain an
umlaut.
● An upside of
having Darth Vader for your father: you just know his dad jokes would be
way better than average.
● You can look on
your phone and know someone’s location, but you can’t look on your phone
and know where they’re really at.
… You can?
There’s an app for that too now???
Executive
Intelligence Summary It’s
not a blunt object, it’s
a differently edged entity.
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