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The Covert Comic Weekly Intelligence Briefing
(Note: Cleared readers only, please.) A NOC has cover meetings, and real meetings.
Everyone else has cover meetings.
●
Fewer than one in
ten intelligence reports contain actionable information. And even then,
the subject of the reporting usually isn’t nearly as actionable as they
looked in the photo.
●
In quantum
physics, ‘Shrödinger’s cat’ simultaneously does and does not contain an
umlaut.
● An upside of
having Darth Vader for your father: you just know his dad jokes would be
way better than average.
● You can look on
your phone and know someone’s location, but you can’t look on your phone
and know where they’re really at.
… You can?
There’s an app for that too now???
Executive
Intelligence Summary It’s
not a blunt object, it’s
a differently edged entity.
December in Russia. As always, Edward remains snowed in. ● There’s who you spy for, and there’s who you spy on. Don’t confuse them (they’re bewildered enough as it is.)
●
Social Criticism
Certification “_____ is another manifestation of the systemic
_____ inherent in _____ culture.” Instructions: 1. Fill in each blank above with
a randomly selected word or phrase. 2. Post on social media.
Congratulations,
you are now a certified social critic!
●
I deny aiding the enemy. As for abetting the enemy, I won every wager. ● Actually, you’ll probably roll down the hill
before dying, but I think we understand what you mean.
Executive
Intelligence Summary Socialism, fascism, tourism – all the monolithic ideologies are basically the same. – My War On Terror!
My in-laws don’t know I work for CIA – although
they do ask why sections of my family’s Christmas letter are blacked out
every year.
●
SpookSpeak.
Hard target n. 1. A target who is difficult to access and/or
recruit. 2. A target who is not difficult to access and/or recruit.
● That DC
pizzeria that was alleged to be a front for the debunked ‘Pizzagate’
conspiracy theory: how do they still not have a ‘Deep State Deep
Dish’ pizza on their menu???
● You could do
worse than be dumbfounded and flabbergasted. You could be dumbgasted and
flabberfounded.
● Nobody wants to
culturally appropriate long division.
Executive
Intelligence Summary “What makes you think the whole world revolves
around you?!” my mother demanded, as I slowly rotated my gaze to
maintain eye contact.
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