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The Covert Comic Weekly Intelligence Briefing
(Note: Cleared readers only, please.) If you knew how rarely the CIA engages in
covert action, as long as you kept quiet that number might not have to
change.
●
It’s been said
that espionage involves peeking at the other fellow’s hand, marking the
cards, cooking the books,
poisoning the well, breaking the rules, hitting below the belt,
cheating, lying, deceiving, defaming, snooping, eavesdropping, prying,
stealing, bribing, suborning, burglarizing, forging, misleading,
conducting dirty tricks, dirty pool, skullduggery, blackmail, seduction,
everything not sporting, not kosher, not cricket. But while this claim
is not without truth, it’s
important to keep in mind that espionage also has its downsides.
●
In order to send a more uplifting message, maybe instead of smashing
their guitars at the end of a concert, rock stars could reconstruct
guitars from discarded parts and play a song on them.
● Whenever I see
a painting of a nude woman, I imagine how angry she must have been when
she found out.
● If you reply
‘This is why we can’t be friends’ to a ‘This is why we can’t be friends’
post, this is why we can be friends.
Executive
Intelligence Summary Live, laugh, love, lie (about who you lived,
laughed and loved with).
A NOC has cover meetings, and real meetings.
Everyone else has cover meetings.
●
Fewer than one in
ten intelligence reports contain actionable information. And even then,
the subject of the reporting usually isn’t nearly as actionable as they
looked in the photo.
●
In quantum
physics, ‘Shrödinger’s cat’ simultaneously does and does not contain an
umlaut.
● An upside of
having Darth Vader for your father: you just know his dad jokes would be
way better than average.
● You can look on
your phone and know someone’s location, but you can’t look on your phone
and know where they’re really at.
… You can?
There’s an app for that too now???
Executive
Intelligence Summary It’s
not a blunt object, it’s
a differently edged entity.
December in Russia. As always, Edward remains snowed in.
● My in-laws don’t know I work for CIA – although
they do ask why sections of my family’s Christmas letter are blacked out
every year.
●
Social Criticism
Certification “_____ is another manifestation of the systemic
_____ inherent in _____ culture.” Instructions: 1. Fill in each blank above with
a randomly selected word or phrase. 2. Post on social media.
Congratulations,
you are now a certified social critic!
●
I deny aiding the enemy. As for abetting the enemy, I won every wager. ● Nobody wants to culturally appropriate long division.
Executive
Intelligence Summary Socialism, fascism, tourism – all the monolithic ideologies are basically the same. – My War On Terror!
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