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The Covert Comic

Weekly Intelligence Briefing

 

(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

SpookSpeak. Pull his/her file idiom. Intelligence Community equivalent of ‘pull my finger.’

● The Five Eyes alliance consists of intelligence agencies from the US, UK, Canada, Australia and New Zealand, and was established in order to share information and coordinate efforts aimed at determining what happened to their other five eyes.

● As a dad, I tend to walk softly around Father’s Day, partly in recognition of the complex emotions it can evoke, and partly because I have no idea when the hell Father’s Day is.

● I’m not a life coach, but I was recently promoted to assistant life equipment manager.

● When push comes to shove, wait to see what shove comes to. Because it’s not uncommon for shove to come to ‘everyone take a break.’

Executive Intelligence Summary

Be the change you wish to see in the world. Once the US Mint stops making pennies, you’ll be worth a fortune!

               

*

 

The agent your access agent provides you access to is you.

● Recommend amicable termination of asset. Station can assign asset’s best friend to carry out the job. – Ops report

Wait, that crazy old guy I knocked out after he tried to hit me with a stick because I didn’t know the answer to some weird question was a Zen master???

… No wonder I experienced satori enlightenment!

● Saw a rap artist profiled on Unsung. I thought: well yeah, pretty much by definition.

If ‘Large Hadron Collider’ was spelled just a little differently, it would make for a great ‘women-are-like-a-Higgs-boson’ joke.

Executive Intelligence Summary

I’m not emotionally unavailable. I’m more ‘emotionally in stock but may require an additional 1-2 days to process.’

                       

*

 

Better to be persona non grata, than persona all too.

● Subject’s backstory suggests recruitment potential. And her frontstories aren’t bad either. – Ops report

● In the AI era, smart programmers know how to get around the ‘I’m not a human’ CAPTCHA.

● When it came to the Ottoman Turks, Vlad impaled in comparison.

● You don’t drink to drown your sorrows, you drink to give them mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Executive Intelligence Summary

Redact thxs.

                         

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