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The Covert Comic

Weekly Intelligence Briefing



(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

The Covert Comic.  Pocket litter of God.

  In the part of Langley where I come from, 'safe house' and 'one-time pad' mean the same thing.

  SpookSpeak.  Irony n.  The situation resulting from any attempt to employ the word 'ironic' in a sentence.

  A cancer cell only does what normal cells would do if they had the chutzpah.

  Secret 0.5916581.  The young are wasted on youth.

Motivational Secret of the Week

Life is tough, but my therapist is tougher.




If secrecy is the beginning of tyranny, declassification is its apotheosis.

  Successfully resisted a honeypot approach by Russian intelligence.  One lingering concern: how did the Russians find out I like honey?

  Due to budget challenges, the dignity of office has been replaced with the dignity of cubicle.

  I support zero tolerance.  But I draw the line at negative integers.

  To actually know one's ass from a hole in the ground is to appreciate that the difference is mostly cosmetic.

Executive Intelligence Summary

The meaning of life is .

… Redaction mark?  What redaction mark?




The aim of the conspiracy is to come up with an aim for the conspiracy.

  My asset looked more dead than alive – which, given that he was dead, lent the scene a certain credibility. – [context classified]

  The FDA has announced that women deserve the same sexual rights as men.  Insert ironic comment into any willing orifice.

  How often are we reminded that what matters in life can't be quantified (I'm referring to the annual per capita frequency, to two decimals).

  Stop begging the question – get a job and earn the question like everyone else.

Executive Intelligence Summary

'Anything worth doing' is a problematic premise.


The Covert Comic officially isn't on Twitter.



Blow Your Cover!

Nothing says "I can neither confirm nor deny that I regularly read the Covert Comic" like a genuine Covert Comic bumper sticker.

Create your own covert action!  [Officially don’t] purchase and affix these stickers to the bumpers of CIA or FBI counterintelligence officers’ cars, street signs in heavily traveled areas of Georgetown, cubicles at the Defense Intelligence Agency, the back of Air Force One, etc.

Stickers are standard 3x10 inch, full color, and are shipped promptly and secretively via First-Class Mail (no shipping fee!).  Price: $10.  Allow 2-3 weeks for delivery.

(Note: An ultra-classified portion of proceeds from the sale of Covert Comic bumper stickers goes to Fisher House, a tax deductible charity providing lodging and other support to families of wounded US military personnel.  ... And you're right, lady, I am arrogant and self-serving.)





Can't we all just coexist?







The Covert Comic.

Read him while you still can!