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The Covert Comic

Weekly Intelligence Briefing


(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

Some spooks work with flaps and seals.  Others, with slaps and feels.

  Profiling Extremism: 3 Most Common Types of Terrorist Facial Hair

3.  Fundamentalist beard

2.  Multi-day stubble

1.  Rich, long lashes

  Idea: money that actually talks.  A logic chip enables currency to state its value, speak your name, and even advise you on how to spend it.

  They say there are two kinds of people in the world – but notice they never say which world.

  SpookSpeak.  Sex n.  Blend of soon to be ex.

Motivational Secret of the Week

Never lose sight of your dreams.  There's no telling the trouble they'll get into if left unsupervised.




Delusion is believing you work for the CIA when you don't.  Illusion is believing you don't work for the CIA when you do.

●  One intelligence agency's TOP SECRET//COMINT//ORCON/NOFORN is another intelligence agency's TOP SECRET//COMINT//ORCON/NOFORN/NOCONTRACTOR.

●  There's less than 2% method in the madness, and only about 6% madness.  The rest is fillers, preservatives, and artificial coloring.

●  A slugfest is a fight?  I thought it was something way more interesting.

●  Relationships are like fine glass – to create a beautiful and lasting one requires expert blowing.

Executive Intelligence Summary

If this doesn't work, we'll never smell the end of it.




A living, breathing document is also an eating and defecating one.

  State Department officers have diplomatic immunity.  CIA officers have diplomatic autoimmunity.

  Comparing a photo of galaxy superclusters with a link diagram of front companies really makes one rethink one's existence.

  I disagree with what you say, and I will defund to the death your right to say it.

  Misogynist es tusogynist.

Executive Intelligence Summary

After devouring their own children, revolutions with good oral hygiene always remember to floss.


The Covert Comic officially isn't on Twitter.



Blow Your Cover!

Nothing says "I can neither confirm nor deny that I regularly read the Covert Comic" like a genuine Covert Comic bumper sticker.

Create your own covert action!  [Officially don’t] purchase and affix these stickers to the bumpers of CIA or FBI counterintelligence officers’ cars, street signs in heavily traveled areas of Georgetown, cubicles at the Defense Intelligence Agency, the back of Air Force One, etc.

Stickers are standard 3x10 inch, full color, and are shipped promptly and secretively via First-Class Mail (no shipping fee!).  Price: $10.  Allow 2-3 weeks for delivery.

(Note: An ultra-classified portion of proceeds from the sale of Covert Comic bumper stickers goes to Fisher House, a tax deductible charity providing lodging and other support to families of wounded US military personnel.  ... And you're right, lady, I am arrogant and self-serving.)





Can't we all just coexist?







The Covert Comic.

Read him while you still can!