Covert Comic Home Page

Catwalk of Spies



My War On Terror!

The Naked Intelligence Officer

Real Men Don't Get Published

Who Killed The Covert Comic?

Universal Declaration of Humint Rights

PETA: People for the Ethical Treatment of Americans

Secrets of 9/11 (Recently unclassified!)

Shoe Bomb of Life

Spaiku! (CIA haiku poetry from the Covert Comic! "Spooky" - USA Today)

Black Matters (The world's most classified poetry)

Intelligence Underground (Spookiest of the spooks)

Form 22C: Questioning Authority

Intelligence Agents (Links to Covert Comic-approved sites)

Contact The Covert Comic

Copyright 1998-2014. All rights reserved.

The Covert Comic

Weekly Intelligence Briefing


(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

The Law of Meetings: Few are the meeters, many are the meetees.

  Secret 12916062.  Dress to impress, assess, access, possess, and egress.

  I love Earth Day, when once each year people of different backgrounds and faiths gather together to bury an environmentalist alive.

  The Norman conquest forever changed English from a mix of bad German and bad Latin, to a mix of bad German, bad Latin, and bad German-Latin.

  Just because your opinion counts doesn't mean it should multiply.

Executive Intelligence Summary

Anything worth doing is worth neither confirming nor denying having done.




Whom the gods would destroy, they first make gods.

  Secret 16913011.  Better a CIA front than a CIA backside.

  Read that dogs align themselves with the Earth's magnetic field when urinating or defecating.  Trying it myself this week – so far so good!

  Motivational Secret of the Week: Aim for the stars – even if you miss, you may hit an executive producer.

  Anybody I can hold a candle to, I drip hot wax on.

Executive Intelligence Summary

If you can't be with the √-1 you love, love the √-1 you're with.




Kiss the girls and make them neither confirm nor deny.

  If the CIA isn't a force for truth, what is it good for?  (Truth, I mean, not the CIA.)

  Motivational Secret of the Week: You are not a statistic.  You are a datum used in the calculation of a statistic.

  I never read the whole Zen koan – I just skip to the end to find out if the monk attained enlightenment.

  'Scarface' is a redundancy.

Executive Intelligence Summary

Even if I did create them myself, I still think I'm doing pretty well under the circumstances.


The Covert Comic officially isn't on Twitter.



Blow Your Cover!

Nothing says "I can neither confirm nor deny that I regularly read the Covert Comic" like a genuine Covert Comic bumper sticker.

Create your own covert action!  [Officially don’t] purchase and affix these stickers to the bumpers of CIA or FBI counterintelligence officers’ cars, street signs in heavily traveled areas of Georgetown, cubicles at the Defense Intelligence Agency, the back of Air Force One, etc.

Stickers are standard 3x10 inch, full color, and are shipped promptly and secretively via First-Class Mail (no shipping fee!).  Price: $10.  Allow 2-3 weeks for delivery.

(Note: An ultra-classified portion of proceeds from the sale of Covert Comic bumper stickers goes to Fisher House, a tax deductible charity providing lodging and other support to families of wounded US military personnel.  ... And you're right, lady, I am arrogant and self-serving.)





Can't we all just coexist?







The Covert Comic.

Read him while you still can!