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The Covert Comic

Weekly Intelligence Briefing


From PostTopSecret 


(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

In the final analysis, it's even money whether they'll use the phrase 'in the final analysis.'

  By stripping it of natural moisturizers, ethnic cleansers leave your ethnicity dry, wrinkled and flaky.

  Pictures in women's self-defense books never show women kicking other women.  The idea is to leave something to the imagination.

  Every great summer song was recorded the previous winter.

  We'll know we've built a machine that's truly alive when it commits suicide.

Executive Intelligence Summary

All is not lost – so why the hell should it stop to ask for directions???




Secret 41026092.  The situation aspires to its intelligence estimate.

●  Contrary to popular perception, HUMINT is not acquired by means of sex, though you can get it from sitting on a public toilet.

●  I don't mind being a tool of my tools, as long as I'm kept well oiled.

●  A key sociological factor underlying the prevalence of zombies as a theme in modern culture is that zombie movies are cheap as hell to make.

●  Revenge is a dish best broken over the other person's head.

Executive Intelligence Summary

It's not a crusade, it's a petrolade.



Russian Embassy, Netherlands (IMINT provided by intelligence agent G2)

Covert Comic bumper sticker in foreground:




It's a moot point whether your ass needs kicking, if kicking needs your ass.

  Secret 71910151.  A story with legs usually involves legs with a story.

  11% of Americans believe HTML is a sexually transmitted disease.  In reality, HTML is caused by bacteria living in the lower bowel.

  Motivational Secret of the Week: There are no menial jobs.  But you're welcome to check back next month.

  Social media doesn't cause suicide, so much as articulate it.

Executive Intelligence Summary

If you've recruited one intelligence asset, they've recruited you all.


The Covert Comic officially isn't on Twitter.



Blow Your Cover!

Nothing says "I can neither confirm nor deny that I regularly read the Covert Comic" like a genuine Covert Comic bumper sticker.

Create your own covert action!  [Officially don’t] purchase and affix these stickers to the bumpers of CIA or FBI counterintelligence officers’ cars, street signs in heavily traveled areas of Georgetown, cubicles at the Defense Intelligence Agency, the back of Air Force One, etc.

Stickers are standard 3x10 inch, full color, and are shipped promptly and secretively via First-Class Mail (no shipping fee!).  Price: $10.  Allow 2-3 weeks for delivery.

(Note: An ultra-classified portion of proceeds from the sale of Covert Comic bumper stickers goes to Fisher House, a tax deductible charity providing lodging and other support to families of wounded US military personnel.  ... And you're right, lady, I am arrogant and self-serving.)





Can't we all just coexist?







The Covert Comic.

Read him while you still can!