Covert Comic Home Page


Universal Intelligence Estimate

Catwalk of Spies


My War On Terror!

The Naked Intelligence Officer

Real Men Don't Get Published

Who Killed The Covert Comic?

Universal Declaration of Humint Rights

PETA: People for the Ethical Treatment of Americans

Secrets of 9/11 (Recently unclassified!)

Spaiku! (CIA haiku poetry from the Covert Comic! "Spooky" - USA Today)

Black Matters (The world's most classified poetry)

Intelligence Underground (Spookiest of the spooks)

Form 22C: Questioning Authority

Intelligence Agents (Classified links and communiqués)

Contact The Covert Comic

Copyright 1998-2016. All rights reserved.

The Covert Comic

Weekly Intelligence Briefing


(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

El Covert Comic: poniendo la 'cia' en 'inteligencia.'

  Secret 21021190.  Always write your eyewash so that you're covered in case it becomes true.

  They say God always bats last.  If I never had to play a road game, I bet I'd have a pretty good record too.

  I pee in the bathtub because there's a drought.  After the drought ends, I'll think of a new reason.

  Top 3 most painful contractions:

3. Economic

2. Uterine 

1. Grammatical

Executive Intelligence Summary

Sorry, I was paying attention.  What was that you said?




He who spies and claims diplomatic immunity

May live to spy again with impunity

●  Secret 65531.  The funniest clearance is the Q clearance.  The saddest clearance is Sensitive But Unclassified.

●  Who cares whether computers are intelligent, as long as they're sincere?

●  Apparently, everything's a phallic symbol, except my phallus.

●  Whenever God opens one secure vault, He automatically closes and locks all the others. – from Catwalk of Spies

Motivational Secret of the Week

Every problem is an opportunity in disguise – you can usually tell by looking at the nose.




If it's not a crime to spy on an allied intelligence service, it's a crime not to.

  Subject and I had philosophical differences.  His philosophy was that he should continue breathing. – contact report

  'Keep 'em honest' implies I want 'em honest in the first place.

  Motivational Secret of the Week.  We can never clean up after ourselves, we can only clean up during ourselves.

  The universe is 9% helium.  We're all talking in a squeaky voice all the time. – from Who Killed The Covert Comic?

Executive Intelligence Summary

If only I could neither confirm nor deny then what I can neither confirm nor deny now.


The Covert Comic officially isn't on Twitter.



Blow Your Cover!

Nothing says "I can neither confirm nor deny that I regularly read the Covert Comic" like a genuine Covert Comic bumper sticker.

Create your own covert action!  [Officially don’t] purchase and affix these stickers to the bumpers of CIA or FBI counterintelligence officers’ cars, street signs in heavily traveled areas of Georgetown, cubicles at the Defense Intelligence Agency, the back of Air Force One, etc.

Stickers are standard 3x10 inch, full color, and are shipped promptly and secretively via First-Class Mail (no shipping fee!).  Price: $10.  Allow 2-3 weeks for delivery.

(Note: An ultra-classified portion of proceeds from the sale of Covert Comic bumper stickers goes to Fisher House, a tax deductible charity providing lodging and other support to families of wounded US military personnel.  ... And you're right, lady, I am arrogant and self-serving.)





Can't we all just coexist?







The Covert Comic.

Read him while you still can!