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The Covert Comic

Weekly Intelligence Briefing



(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

If you had a tattoo that said 'Top Secret,' where on your body would it be?

  The State Department said no American is proud of CIA interrogations.  OK, so we're not as good as the Syrians at it, but we're not that bad.

  Refutation of Baldy's Law

Baldy's Law: Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it. 

1.  Suppose some of it + the rest of it = all of it.

2.  By King's Rule, there's always more of it.

3.  Accordingly: all of it – some of it – the rest of it > 0, that is: all of it – (some of it + the rest of it) > 0.

4.  Adding some of it + the rest of it to both sides of the relation, we have:

All of it – (some of it + the rest of it) + (some of it + the rest of it) > some of it + the rest of it.

5.  Or equivalently: some of it + the rest of it < all of it.

6.  Therefore, some of it + the rest of it all of it.

Thus, for all values of it, it is never the case that some of it plus the rest of it is all of it.

  The wisdom of coming in out of the rain is entirely a function of what's waiting for you inside.

  Not my circus, not my monkeys (but definitely my 27 clowns piling out of a car).

Executive Intelligence Summary

Secret 80916003.  If it doesn't hurt when they snatch it, it isn't worth dangling.




The following information is classified Third Eye Only.

  Secret 53910321.  When pitching a potential recruit, throw low and inside. 

  Why is the poem called 'The Road Not Taken,' when it's about the road that was taken?

  Rock, paper, scissors, and pretty much anything else for that matter, beats playing rock–paper–scissors.

  To observe reality is to change it.  Especially if reality catches you observing down its blouse at work.

Executive Intelligence Summary

When media distorts the truth, it's only responding in kind.




In the final analysis, it's even money whether they'll use the phrase 'in the final analysis.'

  By stripping it of natural moisturizers, ethnic cleansers leave your ethnicity dry, wrinkled and flaky.

  Pictures in women's self-defense books never show women kicking other women.  The idea is to leave something to the imagination.

  Every great summer song was recorded the previous winter.

  We'll know we've built a machine that's truly alive when it commits suicide.

Executive Intelligence Summary

All is not lost – so why the hell should it stop to ask for directions???


The Covert Comic officially isn't on Twitter.



Blow Your Cover!

Nothing says "I can neither confirm nor deny that I regularly read the Covert Comic" like a genuine Covert Comic bumper sticker.

Create your own covert action!  [Officially don’t] purchase and affix these stickers to the bumpers of CIA or FBI counterintelligence officers’ cars, street signs in heavily traveled areas of Georgetown, cubicles at the Defense Intelligence Agency, the back of Air Force One, etc.

Stickers are standard 3x10 inch, full color, and are shipped promptly and secretively via First-Class Mail (no shipping fee!).  Price: $10.  Allow 2-3 weeks for delivery.

(Note: An ultra-classified portion of proceeds from the sale of Covert Comic bumper stickers goes to Fisher House, a tax deductible charity providing lodging and other support to families of wounded US military personnel.  ... And you're right, lady, I am arrogant and self-serving.)





Can't we all just coexist?







The Covert Comic.

Read him while you still can!