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The Covert Comic

Weekly Intelligence Briefing


(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

You can't lose face if you don't have one.

  My name is engraved in marble at CIA Headquarters (and in order to keep it that way, I'm not telling where).

  They say it's lonely at the top.  Down here at the bottom, of course, it's one big sex party.

  Aphorism: a type of joke featuring a setup in the form of a brief observation, followed by a punch line consisting of a random person's name.

  To be na´ve is to be ala´ve.

Executive Intelligence Summary

I found God.  Where do I turn him in?




The joke isn't too soon, the tragedy is too late.

  Every now and then just for fun, instead of neither confirming nor denying, I neither deny nor confirm.

●  I am not my smartphone.  But my smartphone says I still matter.

●  No country with a McDonalds has ever gone to war against America (not counting America).

  The saying 'You always find a thing in the last place you look for it' is refutable at will.

Executive Intelligence Summary

If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't change a thing (pretty much by definition).




Desperate measures call for desperate times.

  Secret 9.6.  When writing a contact report, the term 'intense vocalization' should be used in place of words like 'moan,' 'pant' and 'sigh.'

  Scaling doesn't scale.

  Once you've played a real video game about war, you don't understand how people can play video games about video games about war.

●  Aging is about mind over matter – every year my matter drops another quarter inch below my mind.

Executive Intelligence Summary

My conscience is cleared.


The Covert Comic officially isn't on Twitter.



Blow Your Cover!

Nothing says "I can neither confirm nor deny that I regularly read the Covert Comic" like a genuine Covert Comic bumper sticker.

Create your own covert action!  [Officially don’t] purchase and affix these stickers to the bumpers of CIA or FBI counterintelligence officers’ cars, street signs in heavily traveled areas of Georgetown, cubicles at the Defense Intelligence Agency, the back of Air Force One, etc.

Stickers are standard 3x10 inch, full color, and are shipped promptly and secretively via First-Class Mail (no shipping fee!).  Price: $10.  Allow 2-3 weeks for delivery.

(Note: An ultra-classified portion of proceeds from the sale of Covert Comic bumper stickers goes to Fisher House, a tax deductible charity providing lodging and other support to families of wounded US military personnel.  ... And you're right, lady, I am arrogant and self-serving.)





Can't we all just coexist?







The Covert Comic.

Read him while you still can!