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Weekly Intelligence Briefing

(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

The best area denial weapon is usually the area itself.

● Confirmed that subject is unwitting regarding his role in the operation. In fact, he should be finished unwitting by close of business today. – Ops report

● My wife thinks I’m suffering from depression, but I’m just experiencing a reduction in gross domestic product over two consecutive quarters.

● If you have any idea who did or didn’t give an Irish goodbye, it wasn’t an Irish party.

● Truth be told, it’s not really that difficult for guys to get a woman’s bra off. We just enjoy having the saleslady come over and unhook us.

Executive Intelligence Summary

You beg to differ? What’s so different about begging???

In British intelligence it’s called HUMINTINNIT.

● Made cold contact with target. Am currently resting and drinking plenty of fluids. – Ops report

● The wisdom of holding a friend close and an enemy closer depends on what the three of you are doing.

● The maxim ‘Think globally, act locally,’ when applied algorithmically in simulations involving real data, is 99.7% likely to result in New Hampshire invading and annexing Vermont.

● How do guys who post statements like ‘See her for the Goddess she is and love her unconditionally’ even have time to log on???

Executive Intelligence Summary

Once you find your true cause, you’re just a verifiable symptom away from officially qualifying as a disease.

The cleartext file is the most encrypted of all.

● 5 Things Accomplished At Work Last Week: A CIA Officer’s Report

1. ███ ███ ████ ██

2. ███ ████ ███ ████

3. ███ ██ ████ ███

4. ████ ██ ███ ██

5. Manipulated global weather Friday morning, then ███ ████ ████ ███

● April is Stress Awareness Month. The good news: April is also Alcohol Awareness Month.

● Actually, the first rule of pretty much any club should be: you do not talk about that club.

● Brouboohoo n. A sad brouhaha.

Executive Intelligence Summary

Let your conscience be your slide.

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