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War On Terror! (Secret archives, volume one) War On Terror! (Secret archives, volume two) War On Terror! (Secret archives, volume three) Secrets of 9/11 (Recently unclassified!) The Naked Intelligence Officer Form 22C: Questioning Authority Black Matters (NEW classified poetry from The Covert Comic!) School of Assassins (The first great book of top secret poetry from The Covert Comic. Reviewed in 'Wired!' magazine!) Cointelprose (The second great book of top secret poetry from The Covert Comic. Nearly reviewed in 'Wired!' magazine!) Be a Better Griever (Do it today!) Secrets for Sale! (If you have to ask, you're not cleared yet) PETA: People for the Ethical Treatment of Americans Covert Press Releases (Send them and win!) Spaiku! (CIA haiku poetry from The Covert Comic! "Spooky" - USA Today) I Killed JFK (The intelligence briefing that started the Covert Comic phenomenon!) The Intelligence Underground: The Spookiest of the Spooks Disclosures (What is Secret Zero?) My Resume or Everything I Know about the CIA and Elvis Intelligence Agents (Links to Covert Comic-approved sites) Copyright 1998-2009. All rights reserved. |
What's NEW with The Covert Comic!
Typical CIA briefing.
The following chronology details the life of one CIA officer and his personal war on terror.
Monday 29 September 2008 Secret 700,000,000,000.01. The buck pops here. The Third World owes fifteen trillion dollars to US investors. The US owes fifteen trillion dollars to investors in the Third World. ... Basically, the human race is perennially one credit default swap away from solvency.
Tuesday 30 September 2008 Never confuse power with greatness. In fact, if at all possible, avoid confusing things generally. Recent studies suggest a possible link between pregnant women eating cereal and giving birth to a boy. I assume these women are eating flakes.
Wednesday 1 October 2008 Inspirational Secret of the Week Once the chess match is finished, the king and the pawns go back in the same box (but the king, of course, has a special compartment).
Thursday 2 October 2008 The last person in the world you should be sleeping with is still a person you should be sleeping with. The more books Elaine St. James publishes on how I can simplify my life, the more she seems mockingly to be telling me it’s never going to happen.
Friday 3 October 2008 Executive Intelligence Summary Secret 73. Whatever kills you makes me stronger.
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'We are priests of power.'
Monday 22 September 2008
All theories are conspiracy theories.
Secret 6891.222. The difference between a Top Secret document, and a document designated 'For Official Use Only,' is that the latter can be used as a doorstop in any US Government facility, while the former may only serve this function inside a secure US Government vault.
Tuesday 23 September 2008
I read the Cannibal Manifesto. The part where it says they like to eat people is on page 289.
At one point at CIA I seriously investigated the idea of developing biological body armor. The basic concept: if an American soldier or intelligence officer serving overseas was attacked, highly contagious, debilitating organisms would be released from the body armor and infect his attackers. Eventually I gave up on the project when I realized that this form of armor already exists, and is America itself.
Wednesday 24 September 2008
Inspirational Secret of the Week
Happy the country where an honest man speaks as loudly as a scoundrel. Because the two will tend to drown each other out.
Thursday 25 September 2008
Wanna come over to my place and see my intelligence collection?
In many ways I’ve had a fairytale life. Especially the part where my evil stepmother wouldn’t let me dress up in a beautiful white gown and go to the ball.
Friday 26 September 2008
Executive Intelligence Summary
Carpam diem cras. (I'll seize the day tomorrow.)
* How to Become a Covert Agent!
* Secret Stickers of the Week!
Blow Your Cover! Nothing says ‘I can neither confirm nor deny that I regularly read The Covert Comic’ like a genuine Covert Comic bumper sticker. Create your own covert action! [Officially don’t] purchase and apply these stickers to the bumpers of CIA or FBI counterintelligence officers’ cars, heavily traveled streets in Georgetown, cubicles at the Defense Intelligence Agency, the back of Air Force One, etc. Stickers are standard 3x10 inch, full color, and are shipped promptly and secretively via First-Class Mail (no shipping fee!). Price: $10. Allow 2-3 weeks for delivery. (Note: Proceeds from the sale of Covert Comic bumper stickers go to Fisher House, a tax deductible charity providing lodging and other support to families of wounded US Military personnel. ... That's right, just because I feel like it, lady.)
The Covert Comic. Read him while you still can!
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